Lion Strength
by bean21
Summary: Closing her eyes she listened to the soft crashing of the waves, letting them pull away the voices ringing in her head just as they pulled away the sand around her bare feet.


Lion Strength

Lucy gently lifted her crown off her head and looked at it. With a sigh she set it down. It felt heavier than usual. Carefully she slipped off her shoes and set them next to her crown. Smiling a little for the first time that day she dug her toes into the warm sand, then let the cold water wash over them as the tide came in. Closing her eyes she listened to the soft crashing of the waves, letting them pull away the voices ringing in her head just as they pulled away the sand around her bare feet.

Slowly the voices began to fade. All the worried voices of Narnians who's homes had been destroyed in the thunderstorm last week slowly vanished. Along with them went the soft voice gently telling her that the High King Peter and Queen Susan's return home from Archenland had been delayed again, and the worst voice she had heard that day, which had been Mr. Tumnus's voice sadly telling her that King Edmund was doing much worse.

Peter and Susan had gone to Archenland on business matters. The trip was only supposed to last a couple of days. They had been gone for a week now. The second day after they left, Edmund had come down with a fever and had been in bed all this time. Lucy hadn't been allowed to see him at all, and she had never felt more alone. So, with Peter and Susan gone and Edmund sick, Lucy had been left in control of Narnia. Things like this had happened before, when she had to rule without her sibling's help, but it had always been only for a couple of days and very little went on. This time it had been almost a week, and Narnia had never seemed busier.

Lucy's eyes opened wide at the sudden, piercing cry of a seagull, putting back into her mind the events that had just happened a few moments ago. Events that she didn't want to think about. Many Narnians had come at once, asking for her advice and help. She had tried to deal with them all, but could barely concentrate on what they said once she heard that Peter and Susan would be gone longer. Then, just moments after that news, she noticed her old friend Mr. Tumnus walking up to her with a sad face. When he whispered in her ear that Edmund was worse she felt like her dear friend had pushed her off a cliff that she had been tottering on the edge of all day. She screamed and ran out of the throne room, out of the castle, and down to the beach.

So, here she was now, feeling very ashamed, very tired, very sad, very young, and more alone than ever. She had been queen for several years now, but she felt like her 15 year old body couldn't handle all the pressure being placed on it. A tear rolled down Lucy's cheek as she looked out across the sea.

"Oh, Aslan," she whispered softly, "what did I do wrong? What do I have to do?"

She buried her face in her hands, but even as she did so a soft breeze blew around her and as plainly as she heard the words she had just spoken she heard an answer.

"Lean on Me, child."

Lucy looked up suddenly, and there by her right hand was Aslan Himself, looking so beautiful and at the same time looking very sad. She stood there, just looking at Him for a moment, not saying anything. She didn't know what to say. After a little bit she spoke.

"Aslan why is all this happening? I'm trying to do a good job, I am, but everything I do goes wrong until I end up screaming and running out! Why are You letting this happen? Why weren't You here?"

With sadness she bit back the angry words that would have kept coming. Aslan didn't answer, He only looked into her eyes with His large sad ones. Suddenly she felt so ashamed, she could only look down at the soft waves splashing against her bare feet.

"What did I do wrong?" she asked softly, her voice choked with tears.

"Dear child, you tried to do everything on you own, by your own strength."

Lucy gasped softly. "I did," she said, filled with shame. "When everything started to look bad I said to myself '_I_ can do this'."

"You trusted in yourself, and you failed." Aslan said. His voice was stern, but kind. "Child, without Me you can do nothing. You must trust in Me, and in My strength. I will get you through, if you let Me."

"But Aslan, you weren't there with me! How can I trust in You when You're gone?"

"Oh child, don't you know? I am never gone. I will never leave you, nor forsake you!"

Lucy buried her face in her hands and wept. "Oh Aslan," she whispered. "How do I get out of this now? I'm so wrapped up in it! Is there any way out?"

"Just trust Me, dear heart. I can help you out of it if you will let Me."

"Then," Lucy's voice faltered but a small gleam of hope came into her eyes, "then You will come in with me?"

"No, child."

"But Aslan, You said-"

"Lucy." All Aslan had done was said her name, but He said it with such firmness, kindness, sadness, and love, that she looked down again.

"Yes, Aslan?"

"You must learn to trust Me even when I am not standing by your side as I am now. But remember, I will always be next to you, and I will always help you, so long as you ask for My help. It is you who must come to the place where you realize that you will always need it."

Lucy looked into the Lion's large eyes, which were level with hers.

"Then, Aslan, I can do nothing by myself?"

"No, you cannot. You must lean on Me for everything, and trust Me even when you don't understand things. By yourself, you will always fall. But if you let Me work through you, you can do amazing things! I will give you the strength you need for every day."

Lucy looked out across the sea. She sighed and looked back at Aslan with tears in her eyes.

"Why me?" she asked softly. "Why us? Narnia was waiting for two Sons of Adam and two Daughters of Eve, but why was it us? There are other families with two boys and two girls. There are so many others. Others who are stronger. Others who are braver. Others who are better. We were children, we still are, but you've made us royalty. You've given us power. You decided to use us to save Narnia, but why? Why not use someone better? Why us, Aslan?"

"Because, Lucy, I didn't want someone stronger, or braver, or what you call 'better'. I didn't want someone who was perfect. I wanted you four."

"But why not someone more, well, more able? Someone who wouldn't make mistakes?"

"Dear heart, I chose you four to do My will because through your weaknesses I can show how strong I am."

"Oh Aslan, I'm so sorry. I do need Your strength. Will you give it to me?"

"Of course, Lucy. I always will."

A sudden rush of peace passed over Lucy, almost overwhelming her. She turned to the Lion next to her and once again looked into His eyes. There she found peace, comfort, and strength. The strength that He had promised was there for her, and suddenly she knew that it always had been there, and always would be. With a smile she reached forward and hugged Aslan, burying her head into His golden mane. She inhaled deeply and seemed to feel His strength flowing into her. She almost wished she could stay there forever, but after a few moments she gently drew away.

"Go now, Lucy."

"You will be with me, Aslan?"

"Always."

Lucy turned when she heard her name called out. Tumnus was coming along the beach toward her. She turned to say goodbye to Aslan, but He was gone. And yet, she knew that He wasn't really gone. She could still feel His strength rushing through her, still smell that wonderful, undescribable smell that lingered in His mane. No, he wasn't gone. She just couldn't see him.

"Lucy?" Tumnus's voice was timid, asking.

Lucy turned to her old friend. "Yes?"

"Are you all right?"

Lucy smiled as she looked at the faun. "Yes, Mr. Tumnus. I am."

"Lucy, you don't have to return to the court yet. It will be perfectly understandable-"

"I know, Mr. Tumnus," Lucy gently interrupted. "But I will have to return eventually. Yet, can we stay out here a little longer?"

"Of course, Lucy Pevensie. Do you want to be alone?"

Lucy laughed. "I said _we_, old friend. I would be glad of your company."

Lucy and Tumnus walked together over to where the young queen had set her crown and shoes. They sat down under the shade of a small tree and looked out across the ocean, not talking for a few moments. Suddenly Tumnus turned to Lucy with an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, Lucy Pevensie," he said softly.

Lucy's brow wrinkled as she looked over at the faun in confusion. "Sorry for what?"

"For telling you about Edmund in the middle of court. I should have known better."

Lucy bit back tears. She had almost forgotten about Edmund. "It's alright, Mr. Tumnus. You don't need to be sorry."

"But I am."

Lucy wanted to say more. Wanted to somehow help Tumnus to see that what he had done was alright, but she couldn't see it herself. She wasn't mad at anyone, but suddenly it seemed like the strength that had warmed her a few moments ago had suddenly left her. Now she felt only cold. She lowered her head and a tear dropped down her cheek.

"Lucy, I'm sorry," Tumnus said again.

"It's so hard," Lucy whispered softly. Then suddenly she raised her head and looked out across the sea with questioning eyes. "Where is Your strength?" she sobbed out. Standing up she walked toward the sea again. "I felt it! I know I did! But it's gone now! Why?" She began to sob again. "Oh Edmund, oh Aslan! Aslan, You gave me the strength I would have needed to face the court again, I know You did, but how can I possibly have enough strength to face Edmund?"

Slowly Tumnus walked over to Lucy and put his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. She looked over and met his eyes.

"Aslan told me he would always give me His strength when I needed it," she said softly. "But I don't understand how He can give me enough strength to face this. Is Edmund truly bad?"

Tumnus nodded sadly. "But Lucy, if He said He would give you His strength, don't you believe Him?"

"Of course I do! But it's just that I don't feel strong at all anymore. I don't understand."

"Perhaps it's because you're not trusting Him enough," Tumnus suggested kindly. "If you ask Him to do something, it would be best if you fully believe that He will do it."

Suddenly Aslan's words came back to Lucy. _Trust me even when you don't understand things..._ Slowly she shook her head. "Tumnus, what a fool I am! He told be to always trust Him, and I will. And He said He would give me His strength, and I believe He will. I'm ready to go back to the court."

Lucy slipped on her shoes again and gently set the crown back onto her head. She smiled slightly. It didn't feel so heavy as it had before. Yet, she still did not feel the warmth that she had. _Aslan,_ she thought, _I still need Your strength._ Side by side Lucy and Tumnus walked along the beach, back towards Cair Paravel.

Eventually they made their way into the castle, and then toward the throne room, where everyone was waiting. Lucy felt more nervous than ever. Walking beside her, Tumnus sensed her nervousness and grabbed her hand for comfort. She smiled at him, but she was still nervous. She exhaled slightly. _I need Your strength, Aslan. I trust You will give it to me._

Holding her head up, Lucy walked into the throne room with Tumnus next to her. She walked to her throne, past the rows of Narnians, and sat down. As she looked over their faces she felt the irony of so many individuals looking up to a 15 year old, but her nervousness was gone. In its place was peace, comfort, and love for the Narnians before her. _Thank you, Aslan._

After apologizing, Lucy was able to help each of the Narnians with their individual needs, and after an hour everything had been seen to. The throne room emptied out, Tumnus walked up and smiled at Lucy.

"You did it," he said kindly.

Lucy smiled back. " With Him is wisdom and strength, He hath counsel and understanding. I couldn't of even walked in this room without Aslan. He did it through me."

"That realization is what makes you and your siblings the right rulers for this land," Tumnus said with a smile. "And speaking of your siblings, would you like to see Edmund?"

Lucy's eyes widened. "Can I?" she asked hopefully. Tumnus nodded. Excitedly, Lucy jumped up and ran out of the throne room and through the halls all the way to Edmund's room. She was so anxious to see her brother, but outside of his door she stopped. What would she find when she went inside? Part of her seemed to be begging to go away, to not go into the room so that she might be spared from the pain that it may hold. Yet, she knew that somehow she had to face it, and that she would be hurt even more if she didn't.

Slowly she stretched her hand out in front of her until it rested on the handle of the door. She sighed. _Aslan, I'll need Your strength more than ever now. _Gently she opened the door. The room was dark, except for a streak of sunlight that slanted down from the window and fell on Edmund's pale face laying on his pillow.

Lucy gasped a little bit to see her brother as he was. She felt so overwhelmed, both with gladness at seeing him and sorrow at his poor state. His eyelids fluttered open and he stared up at her. Suddenly she grew worried that he wouldn't recognize her. She had been told his fever was strong. Would he know his sister? She thought of how horrible it would be if he didn't, when this was perhaps the only time she could see him.

"Lucy?" A shaky smile spread across Edmund's face.

"Oh Edmund!" Lucy exclaimed softly, sitting in a chair next to his bed. "Are you alright?"

Edmund smiled and nodded his head slightly. "I'll be fine."

Lucy was relieved, but also somewhat confused. "You are? Are you sure?"

"Yes, Lucy. My fever broke not long ago. I'll be perfectly well soon."

After talking a moment longer to Edmund and then embracing him, Lucy left his room and went out into the hallway. There she found Tumnus smiling at her. She looked at him with a confused face.

"You told me he was still not doing good!" she exclaimed.

Tumnus laughed softly and began to walk away, motioning for Lucy to follow him. He walked through the hallways until he reached the throne room once again, then he turned back to her.

"We shouldn't disturb King Edmund, he needs his rest," he said simply.

"Mr. Tumnus, why didn't you tell me Ed was better?"

The faun smiled. "When I told you your brother was not doing well, I honestly thought I was telling you the truth. I asked those who were attending to him what time his fever broke. They said it was several minutes after the time you had left the throne room. I believe it was just before I joined you on the beach."

Lucy's eyes widened. "Could it be," she whispered softly, "could it be that Ed's fever broke when I first asked Aslan for His strength?"

Tumnus smiled. "I wouldn't doubt it, Lucy Pevensie. He is truly amazing."

"Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see Him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory," Lucy said softly.

I lean against His breast,

He draws me close to Him,

He gives me peace and rest,

And lion strength within.


End file.
